Rise of Grandiosity

I understand less of the world
As days go by
Spitting stoner speak online
Makes you the god of writing
I’m pretty sure even you didn’t know
What the fuck you just meant
You work resonates with confusion
Not enlightenment
Anger is edgy and hate is real
The ramblings of a pissed person
Are just so damned deep
I could stand in a puddle
Of poets profound
And keep the tops of my toes dry
Your abstract bullshit is just excrement
But labelling it “repurposed food”
Sure, I guess…
But it’s still shit

"I know too well what replacement, ephemerality, and heartache feel like."

Fade to Black

Once a number one
Loved
Finally a best friend
Priority
All synonymous
Stories say forever
But it is all as ephemeral
As morning dew
Til the day you no longer hear
I love you

25

Another year
More disappointment
Seems sadness grows with age
At least it does for me
I am drifting
And I’m discontent

Turning Tide

chaosrose:

i was never out to remake you
i needed change
but if i had to choose
between the sobbing apologies
the bitter heartbreak
those moments when i felt like my insides
were going to fall through me
when my mind was beyond control
and my room was a tomb filled with memories of you
when it felt like my…

"To hell with that. You -will- be a great mother. Children are resilient. They’re needy and can’t fend for themselves, but they’re tough. You make a mistake? They bounce back. All that matters is you care that you messed up and try to do better by them. By the time they’re my age, they realize you did your best and appreciate you just for trying, even if you never get it right."

- Gwenaderin Lilidae (from a story by chaosrose)

Remembering (Despite Dissociation)

chaosrose:

I don’t have to think hard to remember in regards to just one thing…
You.
I couldn’t tell you what I’ve eaten today,
what I said last night,
where I went this week,
but I remember you.
My heart will not relent,
will not surrender to the decaying of the mind.
I remember you.
I can feel your lips…

If The Hobbit were an MMO

  • * Bilbo has joined the party *
  • Thorin: lol
  • Thorin: hobbit
  • Fili: xD
  • Kili: XDDDD
  • Bilbo: :/
  • Gandalf: a THIEF hobbit
  • Gandalf: he'll be useful
  • Gandalf: promise.
  • Thorin: He better be. Bilbo, build?
  • Bilbo: Build what?
  • Thorin: ...what's your build.
  • Bilbo: OH. Er...I don't think I have one.
  • Thorin: Stats?
  • Bilbo: Haven't assigned any.
  • Bilbo: I usually just RP in town.
  • * Bilbo has been kicked from party *
  • Gandalf: Thorin wtf
  • * Bilbo has joined the party *
  • Bilbo: @_@
  • Thorin: Is he level 20 or something whotf doesn't have a build
  • Bilbo: EXCUSE YOU. I'm level 80!
  • Thorin: What skills did you get?
  • Bilbo: I'm not telling you that, you'll just mock all of them.
  • Thorin: Gandalf I'm not bringing an untested thief along.
  • Thorin: He'll die.
  • Thorin: Several times.
  • Thorin: IDG why I even have to, we're pretty much set.
  • Gandalf: Yeah, 13 warrior-class idiots versus a level 500 dragon boss.
  • Gandalf: That'll scare him.
  • Gandalf: Look, his skillset's ideal and you have an extra party slot.
  • Gandalf: Just bring him along. What's the harm?
  • Dwalin: he's not even geared
  • Thorin: ...what?
  • Dwalin: look at his armor
  • Thorin: Oh god.
  • Fili: lmao that's like starter gear
  • Kili: XDDDDDDDDD
  • Bofur: HOW ARE YOU ALIVE?!
  • ... later ...
  • * A Stone Giant damaged Bilbo for 18,028 HP *
  • Thorin: jfc
  • * Thorin applies bandages to Bilbo's wounds *
  • * Thorin applies bandages to Bilbo's wounds *
  • * Thorin applies bandages to Bilbo's wounds *
  • * Bilbo has recovered his health *
  • * Bilbo has been kicked from party *
  • Gandalf: THORIN I SWEAR TO GOD
  • * Bilbo has joined the party *
  • Gandalf: IF YOU KICK HIM ONE MORE TIME I'M LOGGING OFF

(Source: iamadamstanley)

Deserve

I deserved better than this
Lies piled upon lies
I can’t tell what is true anymore
Which side is the real you?
I don’t think I can do this
But I don’t want to go on without
I’m stuck
Miserable
Why couldn’t you just me it?

(Source: ashley-jpg)

Letter Never Sent: Love

I used to dream of love. I cried myself to sleep at age nine, repeating over and over to myself that no one would ever love me. My standards lowered and lowered until I didn’t even beg for love. “No one will ever kiss me.” When I got my first kiss, the boy just wanted another notch and dumped me after he got it. I didn’t care because it meant I wasn’t going to die unkissed, even if I was doomed to die alone. I sometimes still think of love, but I would never dare wish for it. All I want is for someone in this world to care enough not to hurt me.

The Honest Fucking Truth

I don’t want to leave you
This can be fixed and you can become the man I need
I’m only considering the idea of going
Because that’s what moral, black and white society thinks I should do
Those who know us with understand my staying
Will root for it
I don’t want to leave you
I only may because I run from everything
I try to hide from and outrun my pain
I’m wearing down to the core
It would be easier to run from moving
Run from you
Run from the world
You’re the only thing that inspires me
To struggle through it
You’re the only person
Who can hold me still
I know you will

"I either eat too much or starve myself. Sleep for 14 hours or have insomniac nights. Fall in love very hard or hate passionately. I don’t know what grey is. I never did."

- (via hazelhirao)

(Source: hedonistpoet)

The worst part about being an adult is realizing that those you look up to as family, authority figures, or friends are just like you and aren’t the sources of absolute knowledge you crave. The lines of right and wrong, what you should do and should not do, and what is best for you or bad for you all too quickly become a burden you have to carry for yourself without flawless counsel. During times like this, I wish I had an answer key. I am an adult now, too. Age grants no magic wisdom. I’m still just a lost teen, and so is everyone else.

The worst part about being an adult is realizing that those you look up to as family, authority figures, or friends are just like you and aren’t the sources of absolute knowledge you crave. The lines of right and wrong, what you should do and should not do, and what is best for you or bad for you all too quickly become a burden you have to carry for yourself without flawless counsel. During times like this, I wish I had an answer key. I am an adult now, too. Age grants no magic wisdom. I’m still just a lost teen, and so is everyone else.

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